


my favorite person

by midoesthewritingthing



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Self-Hatred, they're like 15-16ish years old in this, this is essentially a vent fic so eh sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:02:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25432063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midoesthewritingthing/pseuds/midoesthewritingthing
Summary: Some days, Jeremy finds himself looking at his reflection in the mirror and feeling utterly disgusted by what he sees.(alternate summary: catch me projecting all my feelings onto jeremy heere like there is no tomorrow)
Relationships: Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	my favorite person

**Author's Note:**

> this is just some super self-indulgent word vomit please forgive me. i did not proofread it or anything just emptied my brain here at 1AM like i usually do

Some days, Jeremy finds himself looking at his reflection in the mirror and feeling utterly disgusted by what he sees.

He swears the bathroom walls are closing in on him while he inspects every little off-putting inch of his face, they're getting closer and closer until the only things remaining are him and the mirror. And, of course, the little voice in the back of his mind that never fails to remind him of the truth. _Disgusting. So fucking ugly._

He tries to shake the feeling – he really does – but it seems impossible. The exercises he should do when he feels like this (according to his therapist, at least) are swimming around in his head, and fuck, he's just such a mess. His entire face is dotted with pimples and blemishes, his hair is way too curly which makes it messy beyond belief, his nose is to big, his eyes are weirdly shaped, his lips are too thin, he's too tall and too skinny. He just looks weird. Ugly.

_And that's just the physical parts,_ the voice reminds him. _Don't forget your personality. Don't forget the fact that you're the most annoying and awkward person that ever existed. Ha, no wonder that you have no friends, how could anyone ever put up with you?_

"Shit", he mutters, sucking in a sharp breath. He wants to take his eyes off the mirror, he wants to stop looking at himself, wants to stop reminding himself of how fucking disgusting he is, but he can't. The tears are burning in the corners of his eyes, threatening to fall. Why does he have to feel like this? _Because you're disgusting, look at yourself, what a disaster. Pathetic._

He suddenly realizes that he's biting his lip again, like he always does when he's nervous. For some reason that's so fucking repelling, and now he's finally able to look away from the mirror because he just can't stand to look at himself anymore. He stumbles out of the bathroom, vision blurry from the tears and a mantra of _stupiduglydisgustingpathetic_ repeating itself over and over inside his head as he hurries back into the bedroom.

Collapsing onto his bed, Jeremy curls up into a ball, sniffling pathetically. He's just so tired of feeling like this, he just wants it to stop. _Why are you such a mess why can't you ever be good enough why are you so ugly why why why why-_

"Jer?"

The voice sounds gentle but a bit shocked, and it makes him snap back to reality with a gasp. Michael is standing in the doorway, brows furrowed and his usual carefree smile swapped for a worried frown. Jeremy hurries to sit up straight, furiously wiping at his face in an attempt to make it look like he's not been crying, although he doubts it makes much of a difference.

"Hi." His voice breaks when he tries to speak, making him cringe on the inside. "Uh... How's it going?"

"What's wrong?" The question is pretty straightforward, but Michael still sounds soft and gentle. _It's pity, he's pitying you cause you're so fucking pathetic, he probably doesn't even want to be here in the first place and now you're making him deal with your shit,_ his mind quips.

"I…" Jeremy finds himself at a loss for words, biting his lip yet another time. Michael's brows furrows even more, and he takes a tentative step towards the bed.

"Can I sit down?" he asks, and when Jeremy nods he does just that, plopping down to the right of the other boy. He waits for a couple moments before speaking up again. "Can I touch you?"

When Jeremy nods a second time he scoots a bit closer, reaching out to carefully grab the brown-haired boy's arm. The feeling of someone touching him is nice, Jeremy notices. It's grounding. Calming, even. Then his brain decides to remind him of how annoying he's currently being.

"I'm sorry!" he blurts out, pulling away from the other boy. "I'm sorry, I- I don't know what's going on, I'm just- I'm sorry."

"No hard feelings, man", Michael replies quickly. "But seriously, what's going on? You're scaring me a bit here, Jer."

Normally, this is where Jeremy would've said he doesn't want to talk about it, or that he's fine. But the weight of everything he's been feeling today, and on other bad days as well, suddenly feels like it's crushing him. So he spills. He feels fresh tears pool in his eyes as he tries to describe how he's been feeling, how he's just useless and messy and ugly. Michael listens patiently, offering gentle, understanding 'hmm's and encouraging smiles while Jeremy stutters his way through the explanation. Halfway through, he speaks up when Jeremy is pausing to breathe.

"Is it okay if I hug you?" The question catches Jeremy a bit off guard, but he nods nonetheless. Immediately, the other boy pulls him in for a hug, and Jeremy feels himself tearing up again, so he bites his lip and buries his face in Michael's shoulder. The dark-haired boy rubs his back soothingly, neither of them saying anything.

They continue to sit in silence for a while, until Jeremy starts talking again.

"I'm sorry for this." He winces. "I know it's dumb and doesn't make sense, and I'm sorry you had to listen to all that."

"Hey, what are friends for?" Michael pulls back slightly, a serious expression on his face. "But honestly, Jer, let me tell you something." He inhales deeply before continuing. "You're my best friend, and you're so very important to me, okay? It fucking sucks that you feel this way about yourself, because it's not true. I know you feel like it is, but I'm looking at you right now, and I'm not seeing a useless, pathetic person. I'm seeing my best friend, an amazing guy who actually happens to be my favorite person. And I'm going to stay by your side and remind you of that until your stupid fucking anxiety fucks right off a cliff and leaves you alone."

Jeremy looks down at his lap, feeling his cheeks flush a deep pink. "I…" He hesitates for a moment, not really sure how to continue. "Thank you, dude. That means a lot. Really. You're my favorite person too." He smiles weakly towards his friend, who chuckles and wraps his arm around his shoulders.

"You got it", he says with a small smile of his own. "Now, why don't we build a blanket fort and watch a movie or something? Just taking it easy?"

"Sure." Jeremys feels a mischievous grin make its way onto his face. "As long as it's not another documentary about sharks."

"Hey!" Michael playfully glares at him. "Those documentaries are educational and interesting! Sharks are cool!"

Jeremys laughs. It almost feels easier to breathe by the second. "Dork", he states affectionately.

"What? I though I was-" Michael bats his eyelids at him "-your favowite person?" He cackles with laughter when Jeremy looks at him in disbelief.

"I hate you", the brown-haired boy sighs, but without any trace of real annoyance in his voice. Michael just snickers and wraps his arms around Jeremy once more.

"Noo, you love me", he sing-songs, still laughing. Jeremy just sighs again, wrapping his arms around his friend.

In the end, they end up watching She-Ra on Netflix ("You can't possibly say no to magical princesses fighting for the power of friendship!" Michael insists), still cuddled up next to each other on the bed. Jeremy rests his head against Michael's shoulder, feeling better than he has in a long time. Sure, he still feels shitty about himself, and he still has a long way to go before he's okay, but it's better when he's not carrying all his feelings alone. Plus, he finds watching Michael's reactions to whatever happens on the screen really entertaining, so he just sinks into the comfort of his best friend's arms and does his best to tune out the little voice in the back of his head.

And if they end up actually full-on cuddling and falling asleep in each other's arms, that's a story for another day.

**Author's Note:**

> oh to have a ~~boy~~ friend like michael mell


End file.
